Above The Bars

Beginning of the season ass clowns

Well, it’s the beginning of the season and they are at it again.  Twenty-something, testosterone dripping, douche bags are out in full effect.  It is the first warm, dry, evening of the season a swarm of under skilled, over anxious, over powered, under dressed males descend on the good people of the world as if to say, “Look at me and what I can do………in traffic………..in shorts……….without a helmet………….without a license……….or insurance…………….oh, and if you hit me, it has to be your fault.”  It’s as if they are performing for the imaginary hordes of women that line the sidewalk; their pack competing with any other pack, competing with each other for inner-pack dominance, and all of them waiting for some pat on the back, or what ever piece of anatomy they wish, that they feel is owed to them by society as their right or a blow job.  It is only 8:15 pm now and the best is yet to come because I live in an urban environment, in between 2 nightlife hot spots almost in line with each other and me in the middle.  I get to listen to whatever GSXR or CBR that this 19 year old was able to get a loan for, go 0-75 stoplight to stoplight on one wheel, practicing to leave this world in only marginally more clothes than the came into it wearing.  I might add also, that it is not exclusive to the operation of a motorcycle when alcohol is involved.  I myself have way too many bar fights and misc. jackassery, without the bike, that have led to me dumbassing my way right out of bed with a beautiful woman.  Every male with a dollar and a dick is trying to do something similar on a night just like this wherever you may be. 

I’m not so old that I don’t remember using the engine between my legs as peacock feathers, however I do know that I never left the house in less than denim jeans and boots.  As a door man at the city’s top rock and roll club at a tender age of 24, I remember what it was like to enjoy ownership of a motorcycle while trying to impress the opposite sex.  I’m not saying it didn’t help, I am saying that the cock-strong, alpha male games that we play amongst ourselves have an adverse influence on the exact people we are trying to impress.  Women dress for each other. We pop wheelies and do burnouts for the respect of other men in hopes that if we sit atop that pile, the women we desire will see us better. Instead, they are likely to look at us like some idiot that doesn’t have a chance of donating sperm to children that may have to depend on his not killing himself out of his own stupidity. 

Message; If you are going to enjoy you machine to the full extent of it’s ability know this; it’s ability is greater than yours!  Living on the edge only has appeal if there is a real and present danger of falling off of that edge.  Not accepting the possibility of failure is ignorance.  Not preparing for the likely hood of failure is stupidity.  Self-preservation is self-preservation and, no matter what argument you make, not the responsibility of a reasonable and aware driver when you are acting a fool.  

So, I am staying off the road and out of the bars tonight in hopes of being able to enjoy my evening in ignorant bliss of the douchbagassity around me.  

Drew Waterfall

Editor in Chief

www.abovethebars.com